


The One

by theflyinganonymouse



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M, No Angst, Office AU, Sehun is a Little Shit, baekhyun is jongdae's best friend, but its not a huuuuuge part of teh fic, chanyeol is mostly clueless, coffee shop AU, jongdae embarrasses himself a lot, jongdae works in an office, joonmyun is long suffering, minseok is a barista in the coffee shop across the road, there's fake boyfriends, which is a shock from me, yixing shouldnt be asked about the candy crush incident
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 19:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10906011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theflyinganonymouse/pseuds/theflyinganonymouse
Summary: “Why me?”“Does there have to be a reason?” Baekhyun asked, examining his nails nonchalantly.Joonmyun patted Jongdae on the shoulder, “would it make you feel better if we gave you one?”Or the one where Jongdae sucks at flirting, Minseok is unimpressed, Baekhyun gets too involved, Chanyeol is mostly clueless and Sehun is a little shit.





	The One

**Author's Note:**

> My attempt at humour. Please let me know what you think!
> 
> This should have another one or two parts.

“Why me?”

“Does there have to be a reason?” Baekhyun asked, examining his nails nonchalantly.

Joonmyun patted Jongdae on the shoulder, “would it make you feel better if we gave you one?”

“Yes.” He answered.

“Okay.” Joonmyun shrugged. “You’re the youngest.”

“The newest.” Yixing gave him a not so sympathetic smile.

“And you’re the ugliest.” Baekhyun added and immediately jerked away from Jongdae’s reach. “There’s only so much the office can take- you need to give everyone a break from your face.”

“And getting you guys coffee is the way to do it?” Jongdae asked, sceptical.

He wasn’t surprised by the chorus of ‘definitelys’ he got in return.

“Fine.” He huffed because there was no point in delaying the inevitable.

“Bless you, child.” Baekhyun crooned and he reached across their table, nearly knocking over Yixing’s can of coke, and pinched Jongdae’s cheeks. “This good deed will not be forgotten.”

“I think that counts as work place harassment.” Yixing said around a yawn.

Joonmyun nodded, “you should tell HR.”

“Aren’t you HR?” Jongdae asked, rubbing his cheeks and glaring at Baekhyun.

Joonmyun shot him an incredulous look and waved his sandwich in Jongdae’s direction, “I’m on my lunch break?”

Not even five minutes later Jongdae was stepping into the elevator and pressing the button for the ground floor, a frown plastered on his face and a napkin of scribbled drink orders crumpled in his fist. Not for the first time he found himself considering cutting all ties and making new friends. He doubted it would be the last time, either, considering he’d been friends with Baekhyun since before they could walk and he still hadn’t managed to ditch him even twenty-something years later.

Not that keeping Baekhyun around didn’t have its advantages. When Jongdae had found himself broke and unemployed after finishing college, Baekhyun had let him crash on his couch for the couple of months it took him to find his feet. He’d also put Jongdae forward for the job he had now and while it was boring and definitely not what he wanted to spend the rest of his life doing – he definitely needed something with limited Baekhyun exposure if he was going to make it to retirement age – it was good enough for now. He could pay his bills and afford the rent on his tiny one bedroomed apartment and still afford little luxuries like rounds of coffees for his frie- _colleagues_.

Real friends didn’t make you go out in the sweltering summer heat to buy them hot drinks.

The coffee shop he had been instructed to go to was only across the street from their office but Jongdae had never been before. He’d peered through the window a whole bunch of times and seen all the muted colours and mismatched furniture and decided it definitely wasn’t his style. He was surprised that Joonmyun had told him to go there rather than the starbucks a block over. This place looked far too… far too _trendy_ for Joonmyun. The man dressed like a middle-aged mom of ten despite only being in his twenties. It was quite the feat when Jongdae really thought about it and he’d be more impressed if he thought Joonmyun was doing it on purpose.

There was a small queue so Jongdae got in line. He considered the menu and then took a closer look at the muffins and pastries on display. He toyed with the idea of getting some to take back with him for the others but he quickly came to senses- he wasn’t about to waste more money than he had to on his _friends_. He decided he’d get one of the chocolate orange brownies for himself, though, and make sure to eat it in front of Baekhyun because he knew they were his favourite.

He smirked to himself and so consumed in his thoughts of passive aggressive revenge he almost missed the soft voice ask, “can I help you?”

Almost.

Getting his hands on that brownie was a key part of his plans, after all.

“Yeah, sure, can I get a chocolate orange brownie and-.” He looked up from the napkin and the words immediately died in his throat because the guy working the register was… He was…

“And?” The barista prompted.

“You’re hot.” Jongdae said and immediately blushed, horrified at himself. “I didn’t- I just, it’s hot outside today, don’t you think? It’s hot. And I was just thinking, aren’t you hot with those long sleeves on? Not that I’m suggesting you take your t-shirt off, you should probably keep it on, not that I don’t think you’d look great without your t-shirt on, it’s just that- oh, god. I’m going to stop talking now.”

“I think that’s a good idea.” The hot barista said, his expression blank despite the grins his freakishly tall colleagues were wearing. “Do you want to start again?”

“I have a list.” Jongdae gulped because the hot barista looked so _done_. “Of drinks. I have a list of drinks. My colleagues sent me because I’m the youngest and the ugliest and, yeah, I’m going to shut up now.”

The hot barista plucked the napkin from his hand, “smart.”

Jongdae forced himself to smile even if wanted nothing more than the floor to swallow him whole. He jammed his fist into his mouth to smother hysterical laughter and tried to ignore the way the hot barista’s eyebrows drew together in concentration as he transferred the drink orders from the napkin and on to take out cups.

“Okay, so three drinks and a brownie- is there anything else I can do for you today?” The hot barista asked when he was finished.

Jongdae’s brain answered ‘a hot chocolate please’ but what came out of his mouth was actually, “go on a date with me?”

There was a burst of laughter from the two baristas making drinks and Jongdae saw the taller of the two get elbowed in the stomach when he glanced over. It was obvious they were laughing at him, however much they tried to be quiet, and Jongdae was mortified- especially as his voice had cracked like a pre-pubescent boy’s on his last word.

“I meant drinks.” The hot barista clarified unnecessarily, cocking his head and wrinkling his nose.

“A hot chocolate.” Jongdae squeaked and then coughed to try and clear his throat.

“Are you okay?” The hot barista asked.

“Yeah.” Jongdae said and his voice was still a couple of octaves higher than it should have been. “I just- I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

The hot barista offered him a small smile and Jongdae’s heart fluttered, “stressful day maybe?”

“Yeah.” Jongdae agreed because there was no way he was going to tell the truth. “It’s been manic back at the office- all sorts of deadlines.”

It was a lie – Jongdae had spent much of the morning catching up on his filing and sending Baekhyun links to funny cat videos – but the hot barista had no way of knowing that.  

“I can imagine.” The hot barista said. “That’ll be twenty thousand won please.”

Jongdae paid without embarrassing himself any further and quickly scuttled over to the bar so he could try to regain some of his composure.

Of course, he wasn’t allowed that small courtesy.

“Hyung’s good looking, don’t you think?” The taller of the two baristas asked, his voice echoing far too loudly in Jongdae’s ears, as he leant over the counter and wiggled his eyebrows.

Jongdae nearly choked on his tongue.

“Shut up, Chanyeol. Why are you always so loud?” The second barista elbowed him in the chest this time.

“It’s part of my charm.” The taller barista – Chanyeol – defended himself. “My mom said that’s why I have so many friends.”

“That’s not the reason why.” The second barista muttered as he poured milk into a jug.

“You’re just jealous, Sehun.” Chanyeol pouted before turning his attention back to Jongdae. “You think hyung’s hot, don’t you?”

“No!” Jongdae protested probably a little bit too loudly because the hot barista glanced over at them from the customer he was serving. A little bit quieter he added, “no, of course not. I just- I’m having a stressful day.”

“Liar.” Sehun said with a smirk. “Everyone thinks hyung is hot.”

“You wouldn’t believe the amount of guys who try to get into his pants on a daily basis.” Chanyeol shrugged, looking genuinely baffled. “Seriously, I lost count when I tried to keep track.”

“Chanyeol’s not exaggerating,” Sehun fixed him with a serious look and Jongdae actually felt a little bit intimidated, “despite his inability to count past ten without taking off his shoes.”

“What?” Jongdae asked even as Chanyeol complained, “that was one time!”

“I’m just agreeing,” Sehun gave them both sweet smiles, “that hyung gets hit on a lot.”

“I wasn’t hitting on him!” Jongdae pressed a hand against his chest to try and slow the pounding of his heart. “I wouldn’t-.”

“Good.” Sehun cut him off and he gave Chanyeol a pointed look and another jab of his elbow both of which that Jongdae missed, looking everywhere but at them. “Because hyung already has a boyfriend.”

“So?” Jongdae asked and, once again, his voice came out more like a squeak. “Why should I care?”

“You shouldn’t.” Sehun shrugged. “It’s just that hyung’s boyfriend gets jealous.”

“Really jealous.” Chanyeol nodded and he was suddenly scowling.

“And he’s more than capable of kicking your ass if you step out of line.” Sehun told him. “So you better watch yourself.”

Chanyeol cracked his knuckles, “I don’t like other guys looking at what’s mine.”

Jongdae’s eyes widened, “I didn’t know!”

“I’m just telling you.” Chanyeol said and he cracked his knuckles again before hissing in pain and shaking his hand out. “You don’t want to be on the receiving end of my fist.”

Jongdae gulped.

Sehun snorted, “I really don’t think you should be threatening the customers.”

Chanyeol blanched, his scowl forgotten, “oh, shit, sorry man. Did that sound threatening? I meant it more as a warning.”

“A threat is the same thing as a warning.” Sehun said and then directed his question at Jongdae. “That’s right, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Jongdae nodded slowly.

“Just don’t tell my manager, okay?” Chanyeol asked, big eyes suddenly pleading. “I’d get in a lot of trouble and I’m already on my fourth warning.”

Jongdae found himself nodding and all but snatched the tray of drinks from Sehun when he handed them over.

The walk back to the office was a blur and Jongdae was at least seventy-two percent certain that he had narrowly escaped getting hit by a car- he had the vaguest memory of crossing the road without looking - and he wasn’t as relieved as he maybe should have been that he made it to Joonmyun’s office unscathed.

He knocked on the door and pushed it open with his shoulder.

“Are you here to make a complaint about Byun Baekhyun behaving inappropriately?” Joonmyun asked without looking up from his computer as Jongdae approached his desk.

“No, I’ve brought you your coffee.” Jongdae replied, quirking an eyebrow at his friend.

“Jongdae!” Joonmyun exclaimed, standing up and reaching out for his drink. “I didn’t realise it was you!”

“What?” Jongdae asked and then he shook his head. “Never mind, I don’t think I want to know.”

The smile slipped from Joonmyun’s face and his expression became suddenly haunted, “no. No, you don’t.”

Jongdae made a quick escape.

Yixing was his next stop and he wasn’t surprised to find him and most of the accounts department, judging by what he could see on their computer screens as he walked passed, very blatantly not doing any work.

Jongdae set Yixing’s drink down on the desk in front of him, “are you okay?”

“Living the dream.” Yixing answered without missing a beat. “I think I’m about to beat my high score on solitaire.”

“Don’t go too crazy.” Jongdae rolled his eyes.

“I can’t make any promises.” Yixing replied, seriously. “You remember the candy crush incident.”

Jongdae shuddered, “I thought Joonmyun made you promise to never talk about that again?”

Yixing took a long drink from his cup and stared wistfully off into the distance, “there are some legends that just can’t be silenced.”

Jongdae thought about patting him on the shoulder but decided it would be best if he just left so he did just that. He wasn’t sure if Yixing even noticed.

“Finally.” Baekhyun moaned when Jongdae made it back to their desks. “What took you so long?”

He was making grabby hands at his drink so Jongdae passed it over before collapsing into his chair.

“I can never go back.” He said.

“Joonmyun’s barred you from his office again?” Baekhyun asked, snatching the bag with the brownie in from Jongdae’s unresisting grip. “I thought you were still on your first strike?”

“Second but only until Tuesday.”

“The fool.” Baekhyun snorted. “How does he ever think we’ll learn our lesson if he wipes the slate clean at the end of each month?”

“It’s a good job he does or else you’d have been fired months ago.”

“…True.”

There was a moment of quiet before Jongdae let out a dramatic sigh, flopping back in his chair, “I nearly died getting that coffee for you and you haven’t even said thank you.”

Baekhyun shrugged and turned his attention back to his computer.

“Seriously?” Jongdae huffed. “I nearly died, Baekhyun, and you’re not even pretending to be interested.”

“I got my coffee and your brownie.” Baekhyun said without looking at him. “What else could I possibly care about?”

“I am your best friend-.” Jongdae said and Baekhyun let out a small noise that made it clear that it wasn’t so sure he agreed with that statement. “-You should at least pretend to care when I try to recount my near-death experiences.”

Baekhyun let out a put-upon sigh, “fine. How did you nearly die?”

“Embarrassment.” Jongdae answered flatly. “I also nearly got hit by a car but I think the embarrassment was the biggest threat.”

“What did you do?” Baekhyun asked around a mouthful of brownie.

“I made an idiot out of myself.”

“Did you try to pay with your ID badge again?”

“No.” Jongdae said. “I asked the hot barista out on a date.”

“Oh, Jongdae, my child. Rejection hurts but-.”

“I think that’s a pretty big assumption to make.” Jongdae said with a pout. “I’m handsome.”

 “You’re okay.” Baekhyun replied, pulling a face. “And I don’t think it’s a big assumption. You’ve asked three people out in the last six months and they’ve all turned you down. I’m just being realistic.”

Jongdae gave him the dirtiest look he could muster, “why am I still friends with you?”

“Pity and a misguided feeling of loyalty, I imagine.” Baekhyun shrugged. “I’m not complaining.”

“I am.” Jongdae muttered but Baekhyun ignored him.

The next morning Jongdae spent nearly ten minutes styling his hair and a further fifteen minutes picking out his tie and shirt combination for the day which was a whole twenty-five minutes more than he’d usually spend on his morning routine. It meant that he missed his bus but he didn’t mind too much, Baekhyun was never in before ten so he doubted he’d get in trouble for being late for only the second time that week. He spent the journey to the office running through a hundred different scenarios in his head – all the witty comments he’d make and charming looks he would give – and he felt almost confident by the time that the bus rolled up to his stop that he’d at least be able to make the hot barista smile.

Maybe.

And if he didn’t make him smile then at least he’d be able to see him and that was enough for Jongdae. It really was. He had a boyfriend – a tall and perhaps a little bit terrifying boyfriend – so Jongdae knew he didn’t have a chance. It didn’t mean he couldn’t torture himself, though.

He checked his reflection in the window of the coffee shop, tried to pretend he didn’t see the weird looks he got from those on the other side of the glass, and he took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders and… He walked straight into someone.

A very tall and sturdy someone.

Of course, Jongdae ended up on his ass and, of course, the hot barista was there to see it all.

“Watch where you’re going.” The very tall and sturdy someone snapped.

Jongdae flushed red, “oh, god, I’m so sorry- I didn’t see you.”

The hot barista took a step forward and offered him a hand up and Jongdae’s skin tingled where their hands met.

Jongdae promised himself then that he would never wash that hand again for as long as he lived.

“Sorry about him.” The hot barista fixed him with an apologetic smile and Jongdae nearly died on the spot. “He’s not had his coffee yet.”

“It’s okay.” Jongdae squeaked.

The very tall man ignored them both.

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” He said to the hot barista. “Make sure that no one burns the place down while I’m gone.”

“Only if you give me a pay rise.” The hot barista smiled sweetly.

“You wouldn’t have a job if the place burned down.” The very tall man snorted.

“No.” The hot barista agreed. “But there’s no way Jeongsu hyung would lease the place out to you again if the shop did happen to burn down and he likes me. I’d be able to get a good deal on the lease.”

The very tall man’s eyes narrowed, “you’re evil.”

The hot barista’s sweet smile didn’t even flicker, “am I?”

The tall man shivered and walked away and the hot barista waited until he had disappeared from sight before turning to Jongdae. “Aren’t you going in?”

“You’re blocking the entrance.” Jongdae said and it was true.

The hot barista flushed red and immediately moved out of the way, “shit, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Jongdae smiled and then his mouth, without his brain’s permission, added, “I got to spend more time with you.”

Jongdae shuddered and he seriously considered phoning in sick so he could spend the rest of the day in the shower trying to wash the grease away.

The hot barista laughed, “I didn’t think you’d be able to top yesterday. Is that really the best you’ve got?”

“Maybe.” Jongdae shrugged. “I guess you’ll never find out.”

“Oh yeah?” The hot barista asked. “Why’s that?”

Jongdae quirked an eyebrow at him, “your boyfriend?”

Jongdae could have sworn the hot barista looked confused for a moment before letting out a long sigh, “yeah, my boyfriend. You wouldn’t want to mess with him.”

“Why not?” Jongdae asked with a bit more bravado than he was really feeling because he was definitely not scared of Chanyeol. Okay so maybe he was and he was lying a little when he said, “I’m not scared of him. Even if he is incredibly tall.”

“He could kick your ass.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“No.” The hot barista half snorted, half laughed and he still somehow managed to look and sound like a god. “I like your face as it is.”

“You do?” Jongdae nearly gushed.

“I mean,” the hot barista shrugged as he held the door open for Jongdae to step through, “you’re not ugly.”

Jongdae didn’t stop smiling like an idiot the whole time he was in the coffee shop.

He didn’t even stop when he saw Baekhyun waiting for him on the other side of the road, just by the entrance to the office.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Baekhyun asked, looking a little pale, once Jongdae was close enough. He grabbed him by the shirtsleeve and tugged him into their building. “Why are you smiling like that?”

“I nearly died.” Jongdae grinned.

“No fucking shit, that car was inches away from hitting you, Jongdae.”

“What?”

Baekhyun cocked his head at him, “what?”

“I nearly got hit by a car?”

“What were you talking about?”

“The hot barista’s boss nearly flattened me and-.”

“You noticed some guy but not a SUV?”

“- I embarrassed myself really badly but the hot barista _flirted_ with me! He said I wasn’t ugly!”

“Okay.” Baekhyun said and he snatched Jongdae’s drink from his hand. “When we get to our desks, I am going to write you a long list of all the things that are wrong with you. Do you know what’s going to be number one on that list, Jongdae?”

“My blatant disregard for road safety?”

“No- the fact that you think that that’s flirting. I am disappointed, I thought I raised you better than that.”

“Yesterday you sent me an email with photos of twelve different trash cans that you thought were more attractive than me.” Jongdae reminded him.

“You’re lucky I stopped at twelve.” Baekhyun told him, taking a sip from Jongdae’s drink and pressing the button for the elevator. “But that’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?”

“You are far too good for some barista who- do you know what? I’m going to come for coffee with you tomorrow morning. I’m not letting some jumped up coffee machine disrespect my best friend.”

“You really don’t have to do that.” Jongdae protested.

“No one gets to call you ugly but me.” Baekhyun muttered darkly as they stepped into the elevator.

Jongdae frowned, “he said I wasn’t ugly? Seriously, Baekhyun, were you even listening?”

“I heard what I wanted.” Baekhyun shrugged.

Jongdae groaned.

It was going to be a long day.


End file.
